Word of God

One of my first posts was about words and their value. I know from experience that some words have unquestionable value, for some reason we take them throughout our lives, at least for a reasonable amount of time, as an absolute truth. It's hard to say exactly how it works, but:

it may be a sentence that somehow makes sense to us in a very special way, that sentence is stored in our "cache" (a kind of memory that is always available), and we fetch it when it seems necessary, sometimes unconsciously, allowing or not allowing us to do things...

it may be an event that causes a some kind of reaction, the effect is used in the same way as that special sentence...

I think this may also happen unwillingly and unconsciously... I feel it because there are many things I'd like to do but I can't and I don't know and don't understand why, but I’m stopped... like dominated by a superior power... the will of God... but I know it's just another consequence of being a machina.

Happiness

What is happiness? Lately I’m inclined to believe that there may not be such a thing as true happiness. I see people living their lives full of "happy" moments, little pleasures that seem to provide a bit of happiness, "carpe diem" they say, but I don't believe that brings happiness... all those bits put together don't get even close to real happiness...

I don't think one can be fully happy until utterly and completely devoting his own existence to someone else and if that second person does the same both will find the ultimate happiness... I think that is just too hard to find these days... it seems the majority of people is too busy looking for something else, ignoring and overlooking what is truly important… but I know it's possible... so hard to achieve, so demanding, so exhausting, so complex… but possible... and completely overwhelming…

I think I had it...

Now I’ve lost it... no... Ruined it...

A Very Merry Christmas

Christmas, dispite being a very synthetic time, is time of joy and happiness, and to comply with that, here are my (synthetic) words for all of you (4.5) readers of my blog

A Very Merry Christmas.

Ho, Ho, Ho

Incomplete

Someone told me I was missing something that not even I knew what it was... I think that's exactly how i feel...

incomplete...

I just need to know what i'm missing...

it's not easy... not when heart and mind play tricks on each other... sometimes it even seems that one of them is missing... but that's not it... it's something else... something I can't seem to find...



Now I know
That I can't make you stay
But where's your heart
But where's your heart
But where's your

And I know
There's nothing I can say
To change that part
To change that part
To change

So many
Bright lights they cast a shadow
But can I speak
is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A life that's so demanding
I get so weak
A love that's so demanding
I can't speak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

Can you see
My eyes are shining bright
'Cause I'm out here, on the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I'm so weak
Is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A love that's so demanding
I get weak

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven


Nothing you can say can stop me going home


These bright lights have always blinded me
These bright lights have always blinded me

I say

I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake, and unafraid
Asleep, or dead

'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake, and unafraid
Asleep, or dead

'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake, and unafraid
Asleep, or dead

'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake, and unafraid

Asleep, or dead...

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

(My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words)

Coffe Break

	Maybe When I get off work I'll have time for a coffe break... and try not to think too much... Maybe I'll be thinking even more...
Then again... I think I'll just keep working...

Negative

Yesterday I was working untill 3:30 am, and on the way home, besides spoting a shooting start I also noticed the tempreture, -1ºC, it's the first time this year i've seen a negative temperature... but i've felt it before...

I don't know if it's the winter or someting else... but people get cold(er) sometimes...I feel colder... the heart gets cold... I feel it burning inside... I don't like it but I can't help it...

The Educated Fool

I'm an educated fool
So I don't know what it is I'm supposed to do
About this awkward situation
That's been forced down right upon me

As I'm walking down into
on my own into the valley of life
Got a lifetime of experience
yeah I've got so much to give

Open the page at chapter one
could this just be that life's just begun
Forever within your darker thoughts
Reflecting on everything you've been taught

Never felt this way before
Seems that somebody's just opened the door
To the book of life .... or is it death!
Is there ever any way out

Someone's looking down on me
to the very inner core of my soul
They won't tell me what they see
But I really want to know

I want to live my life on my own
I want to lift the unturned stone
I want to walk right into the fire
I want to live out all my desires

I want to go and see the fire burn
I want to see and feel my world turn
I want to know what more there's to learn
I want to pass the point of no return

Do you really wanna be
Just another one statistic or feel

That you really should aspire
That you really do deserve more

Do you ever really feel
That you have so much potential inside
What you really have to give
Could be realized so much more

I want to live my life on my own
I want to lift the unturned stone
I want to walk right into the fire
I want to live out all my desires

I want to go and see the fire burn
I want to see and feel my world turn
I want to know what more there's to learn
I want to pass the point of no return

Time will flow
And I will follow
Time will go
But I will follow

Time will flow
And I will follow
Time will go
But I will follow

I want to feel what life's like respond
I want to meet my father beyond
I want to walk right into the light
I want to feel no fear but delight

I want to live my life on my own
I want to lift the unturned stone
I want to walk right into the fire
I want to live out all my desires

Time will flow
And I will follow
Time will go
But I will follow

Time will flow
And I will follow
Time will go
But I will follow

Time will flow
And I will follow
Time will go
But I will follow

(Iron Maiden - The Educated Fool)



I'm just an educated fool,
so I don't know where to go...

Changes

Sometimes... life asks us for a change. There are always paths to walk and decisions to make, sometimes with a big decision comes a big change, and that change usualy brings good things and bad things.... and that isn't always easy.
It gets even harder when you can't tell what's best for you and what's not so good.
It would be nice if I could just turn bad things into better things... sometimes I think I can... but most times i feel powerless...

I feel something changing

I don't know if I can help it...

I don't know if I want to rush it...

Just don't know what to do.



I pack my case, I check my face
I look a little bit older
I look a little bit colder
With one deep breath, and one big step
I move a little bit closer, I move a little bit closer
For reasons unknown..

I caught my stride, I flew and flied
I know if destiny's kind, I've got the rest on my mind
But my heart, it don't beat, it don't beat the way it used to
And my eyes, they don't see you no more
And my lips, they don't kiss, they don't kiss the way they used to
And my eyes don't recognize you no more

For reasons unknown
For reasons unknown

It was an open chair
We sat down in, the open chair

I said if destiny's kind, I've got the rest on my mind
But my heart, it don't beat, it don't beat the way it used to
And my eyes, they don't see you no more
And my lips, they don't kiss, they don't kiss the way they used to
And my eyes don't recognize you at all

For reasons unknown
For reasons unknown

I said my heart, it don't beat, it don't beat the way it used to
And my eyes, don't recognize you no more
And my lips, they don't kiss, they don't kiss the way they used to
And my eyes don't recognize you no more

For reasons unknown
For reasons unknown
For reasons unknown
For reasons unknown

(The killers - For reasons unkown)

Memory

There is always something on my mind...



I seem to recognize your face
Haunting, familiar, yet I cant seem to place it
Cannot find the candle of thought to light your name
Lifetimes are catching up with me
All these changes taking place,
I wish Id seen the place
But no ones ever taken me
Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...
Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...

I swear I recognize your breath
Memories like fingerprints are slowly raising
Me you wouldnt recall, for
Im not my former
Its hard when youre stuck upon the shelf
I changed by not changing at all, small town predicts my fate
Perhaps thats what no one wants to see
I just want to scream...hello...
My God its been so long, never dreamed youd return
But now here you are, and here I am
Hearts and thoughts they fade...away...

Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...
Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...
Hearts and thoughts they fade...away...
Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...
Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...
Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...
Hearts and thoughts they fade...

(pearl jam - Elderly woman behind the counter in a small town)

Impressions

Today i find myself thinking about how variable is the way people act towards different people. I think there aren't two people that have the exact same opinion about someone, are there? It doesn't matter how upright and controled one is, that person will still act in a different way, in a different situation. Even if unwillingly...

It's all about trying to impress someone... for all kinds of reasons, love, power, money, whatever but it's interesting to see who we are trying to impress, and there are people who we want to impress more than others. It's easy, it's just like putting on a mask that only shows the things we know that person is going to like.

I find myself to be a very unimpressive person, maybe because i find all that is a nonsense... althought i have my masks, and sometimes they don't let me say or do some things...

for the best or for the worse... i have to learn to live with them...